Don't Let Go

Sinking, slipping, spiraling down--
Misery falling, sinking hole.
Fighting, grappling, scrambling up--
Plunging downward once again.
Pushing, pulling, every might-
Exhausting breaths struggling tight.
Hold on, Hold on, Don't let go.
Fray the grasp, keeping on.
Conquer the challenge,
Survive the low. 
Don't let go - Don't let go...

------ LL (Me)

The Reality of It All

I had mentioned before, that normally I'm counting the days till the end of school. This is probably the first year that, though I did count them, it wasn't for the usual reasons. The closer the end of school got (and is coming, as of Thursday), the more the reality (and fear) is setting in. The fear of not having a job come August, when my last paycheck comes. But along with that, it probably wasn't until Friday that I start realizing how much I was going to miss the kids. I'm split between two schools, and one of the schools, if I would have stayed, I would have had to leave anyway, b/c they didn't have enough sped kids there for me to stay. But I have realized how lucky I was/am to have such a good group of kids.

Now, the one thing I have to take into account-- It's been almost a month since I've done any consistent teaching-- there's been state assessments that put a chink in my schedule, and then the last few weeks of school, there's always the special activities, so than things get all out of whack. So, there's a bit of nostalgia going on. With teaching sped, it seems I always never feel like I'm doing enough. I do know that I could do more, but I know that I have just chosen not to, as much as I could.

2 more days...

Sayings

Via Pinterest~~~

4 More Days of Normalcy

I have 4 more days of school- a.k.a.- normalcy and structure. I don't handle change and non-structure well, and this weekend was pretty evident for me. Normally, I would be breathing a sigh of relief for the end of school. It would mean a break, being able to sleep in, lounge around with nothing pressing for me to do. But with having no job to go to in the fall, it's a completely different fiasco. It has been an extreme struggle to stay positive and hopeful that I'm going to find a job, and if I dwell on it too long, I start panicking. In these circumstances, I should be clinging close to God. Key word-- SHOULD. But I haven't been like I should. Everyone keeps telling me I'll find something, but there's always that worry at the back of my mind, that I won't. I keep thinking, Why did I give this up??? But I know for the last 10 years I've never enjoyed my teaching job (well, there have been good moments, but there seems to be more negative than positive), and have always been emotional about it. But I keep wondering if my emotional health interfered with the teaching part, and that's why I didn't enjoy it. At this point, all I know is I want and pray for a job that I can support myself financially.

Love this- from Sherri Rose Shephard's Facebook status:

Perspective will determine the way you live today... if you're feeling overwhelmed by what "appears" to be more than you can handle consider doing the following three things...

1. Get God Involved... Pray & ask him to give you His wisdom, His strength, His perspective and a pure heart for what you're facing ,fighting or needing faith for.

2. Purpose your mind to Stay Focus only on what's in front of you today... think about what's most important, most effective and fruitful for the future.

3. Don't draw your strength from fear of failing or pressures of performing. And do your very best for God's glory and let him take care of the rest!!

Last night was my nephew's preschool graduation. It is so hard to believe that he's going to be starting Kindergarten! My parent's and my sister-in-law's parent's were both able to come, so it was a really nice time.

I applied for a college position yesterday here, and I'm really, really, really hoping (and praying) that I can get this job. I'm not entirely sure that they'll look at me, since I don't have college experience (which I'm finding is really hard to get), but I can hope that they'll take a look at me. It depends upon the hour whether or not I'm freaking out about being unemployed as of August, when my paycheck stops. Two years ago when I moved to Nebraska, I didn't officially have a job till June 1st, so I just have to pray that it'll come.

So thankful for the weekend. After being gone last weekend, it will be nice to just be home.

Thursday

I think I feel a bit better today, at least more hopeful than I was. I still feel worried, and I'm not sure if I'll ever feel "secure" until I have something. I found another job listing in the Metro that I'm in the process of applying for. It's a bit of a stretch, but it sounds interesting. And if God sees fit me for me to have it, then He'll give it to me.
With having a week of school left, I've been lacking with my school lunches, and having decent groceries. As a result, my eating has suffered quite a bit. I can tell that I haven't been eating great, with how I've been feeling for the last few weeks-- tired and sluggish. Though lacking in sleep doesn't help either. My cat Sadie was on a meowing fit during the night again. I wonder if she does it most nights, and I've just slept through it. B/c I have no idea why she does it. This time I heard her, and it kept me up a lot. Yesterday, I didn't work out in the morning, but I did go after work. Granted it was just 45 min on the elliptical through.
When I was home this last weekend, I got 2 dozen farm eggs from my Mom. I have been getting them from Trader Joe's, but haven't been there for a couple weeks. I made 2 eggs last night, and topped it with some red pepper hummus. Ended up being pretty good.
Tonight is my nephew's Preschool Graduation, and my parent's are coming up for it. It is so hard to believe he's going to be in Kindergarten next  year!! The workout will have to wait till tomorrow, b/c we're meeting our parent's at Runza when they get into town.